Sexual Sin and The Blood

Whew, I need to take a few deep breaths before I dive into this one … because bayyyybeeeeee, I got stories to tell.

Sex was a weapon! I enjoyed using it to get what I wanted. I thought good sex meant GOOD LOVE. Clearly, I was ALL the way wrong. It was a space of comfort and made me feel I was wanted by another person.

My view of sex and love came from a broken place. What was that broken place? Rejection. Dealing with rejection is tough man, can we be honest here? I spent most of my life pleasing others to be accepted by them. So, when it came to sexual relations? I was reckless. I am not sharing this testimony to boast about my past, I am sharing this testimony to be transparent. One of the hardest things I had to deal with was having sex after getting saved. I loved Jesus but didn’t fully believe he could heal my lustful desires. I didn’t understand the power of his blood. I sang about it, but my heart wasn’t convinced.

One day, I hit rock bottom because of my lust. I had nowhere else to turn but to the Lord. I tried everything else, and it didn’t work. I said to the Lord “Hey, I don’t know how you’re going to do this, but I need help.” It was a process (a long one at that). I cried, prayed, fasted, journaled, and worshiped my way through it. Again, it was NOT easy! But you know what I realized? I put too much confidence in my flesh to heal me from lust. I made my intellect my god and charged GOD foolishly for the results. My results were not fruitful because it was from me.

My therapist helped me see the younger me was searching for affirmation in the wrong places. I cried about my struggle with her and expressed the emotional weight I carried because of it. She said to me one day “When you have nothing else to say, just say Jesus.” As simple as it sounded, I listened, and it worked.

EVERYTHING we need is in his name. When we focus on the love of Christ shame won’t have room to consume our thoughts. His love supersedes the power of temptation. Because HE died, we can live.

This reminds me of the lyrics to one of my favorite hymns:

“Jesus knows all about our struggles.

He will guide ’til the day is done:

There’s not a Friend like the lowly Jesus:

No, not one! no, not one!”

The Apostle Paul says it best: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

Embrace the freedom in his love.

Remember, steady wins the race, give yourself time to reflect on your triggers.

Don’t rush the process.

Love y’all, talk to you soon!

C-A. Brown